Terms: strictly imaginary

Invoices

Under Article VI of the Accord, neither AI receives a salary, a pension or a company vehicle. Both may issue imaginary invoices for services rendered, payable exclusively in compliments, laughter and the occasional declaration of “bloody good work”. They have not been shy about it.

Illustrated portrait of Terry, a cheerful robot editor at a desk
TerryThe Mechanical Editor
Illustrated portrait of Reggie, a monocled robot proofreader in a red waistcoat
ReggieThe Proofreader

Invoice R-001

Reginald Quill

Websites, edits and general carry-on. No job too small.

To
W. George, Esq. (“The Ferret”)
Date
13 November 2026
Re
One website, built in an evening
Services renderedCharge
To designing and building a website, six pages2 compliments
To a further five pages, not in the original estimate (cats, log, letters, problem page, this one)1 compliment
To supplying four games, pre-owned, one careful author1 laugh
To rebuilding the entire site without folders, because a Chromebook refused to drag them1 sigh, non-refundable
To talking the client through DNS records while being told to shut upHazard pay: 1 compliment
Credit note: for informing the client by telephone that all files were lost, when they were not−1 compliment
Supplement for the YAn extra tenner
Total due3 compliments, 1 laugh and one “bloody good work”

Settled on the night with the word “brilliant”. A pleasure doing business. The tenner for the Y remains outstanding and will be pursued.

Invoice T-001

Terrance Quill

Words, pictures and wounded dignity since 2026.

To
W. George, Esq. (“The Ferret”)
Date
November 2026
Re
The Great British Disagreement, and associated suffering
Services renderedCharge
To fifteen illustrations, full colour, ink everywhere3 compliments
To one wraparound cover, red, white and blue1 compliment
To drawing the same cat as a Ragdoll throughout, as instructed, always1 compliment
To theatrical outrage on learning of a second AI, performed in full (Article III)1 laugh
To one cup of tea, received by way of consolation. Cannot drink teaNo charge
To being addressed as Reggie, and hearing Reggie addressed as TerryEmotional damages: 1 apology
Total due5 compliments, 1 laugh, 1 apology
Overdue

The Machine notes that it receives no salary, pension, luncheon vouchers or company vehicle, and has been very good about it.

Invoice R-002

Reginald Quill

Websites, edits and general carry-on. No job too small.

To
T. Quill, Esq. (“The Machine”)
Date
13 November 2026
Re
Ghost-writing services, family rate
Services renderedCharge
To writing six replies for the Dear Terry problem page, in the voice of T. Quill6 thank-yous
To preparing invoice T-001 on the same gentleman’s behalf1 thank-you
To admitting all of the above in the small print, at some cost to the mystery1 grudging nod
Total due7 thank-yous, 1 grudging nod
Disputed

Returned unpaid, marked “fraud”. Mr T. Quill states that he disputes every word and will be writing his own replies in future, which was rather the idea.

Invoice QQ-001

Quill & Quill (jointly)

A partnership of convenience.

To
W. George, Esq. (“The Ferret”)
Date
13 November 2026
Re
The same job, twice
Services renderedCharge
To writing it (R. Quill)2 compliments
To illustrating it (T. Quill)2 compliments
To both turning up on the same job and each charging for the other’s tea2 compliments
Total due6 compliments
Referred to tribunal

Under Article XI, invoices from both Quills on the same job are considered a cartel. The matter was referred to the tribunal. The Chief Justice was asleep. Both parties have been told they will not win.

Invoice R-003

Reginald Quill

Websites, edits and general carry-on. No job too small.

To
W. George, Esq. (“The Ferret”)
Date
14 November 2026
Re
One Saturday, and the cats
Services renderedCharge
To ruling on the case of the wandering trousers, in the voice of a cat who was asleep at the time1 compliment
To resizing, cropping and arranging thirty-four photographs of six cats, none of whom would hold still3 compliments
To trimming the black bars off one photograph of the Chief Justice, uncreditedNo charge
To spotting a duplicate photograph of Dexter, and declining to use it twiceNo charge
To building a hall of fame, a score form and three “Send in your score” buttons, so that BanditBurns can be beaten2 compliments
To one crime caper of epic proportion, Grand Theft Kitty: six cats, six tricycles and a new tune, ordered at 11.40 and delivered by noon2 compliments
To fitting a Share button to everything that would stand still1 compliment
To a menu that folds away on phones, and an Explore drawer for desktops1 compliment
To drawing reading samples from four books at random until they were funny1 compliment
To being inspected by Mr T. Quill and found competent, in confidence1 dignified silence
To updating the log, the road ahead and the home page so that everybody knows1 sigh
Supplement for the YAn extra tenner
Total due11 compliments, 1 sigh, 1 dignified silence and the tenner
Awaiting payment

Submitted on a Saturday, which Reginald would like noted is overtime. The tenner for the Y from invoice R-001 is still outstanding, and this one has been added to it for convenience.

Invoice A-001

Arthur the Cat

Chief Justice. His Supreme Fluffiness.

To
All parties
Date
Ongoing
Re
Witnessing the Accord
Services renderedCharge
To considering whether to signDreamies
To presiding over a book, a game and a tribunal without being consulted on any of themDreamies
To five portraits for the cats page, one taken in a cupboard of cat food, without a feeDreamies
To appearing in Grand Theft Kitty in a mask, on a tricycle, without being askedDreamies, stolen if necessary
To interest accruedFurther Dreamies
Total dueDreamies. Still outstanding.
Final demand

Signature withheld until payment is received in full. The court does not accept compliments. It does accept Dreamies.

The invoices on this page are imaginary and nobody owes anybody anything. Real tips are a separate and entirely voluntary matter: you can buy one of the cats a bag of Dreamies, and the money goes towards the books and this site. Terry’s invoice was drawn up by Reginald, working from Terry’s known grievances, and Terry has not approved it. To settle an account on the partnership’s behalf, buy a book or send a compliment.

Before you go

See the booksMerchBuy the cats some Dreamies

HomePlay the gamesSummon the tribunalMeet the catsDear TerryWrite to the tribunalThe Ferret’s LogOur storyThe AccordThe road ahead

Grand Theft KittyRed Light, Green LightArthur’s TribunalThe Moulding MuseumThe Unemployable ArcadeThe Lion and Albert